Why do abused women stay in the relationship?
South Africa has some of the highest crime rates in the world. Crimes against women and also against children, and especially sexual crimes, assault and murder, place the country in poll position in terms of the statistics. The perpetrators of these violent crimes are often known to the victims who are either partners, lovers or acquaintances. However, we find that often the women victims remain in these toxic and dangerously abusive relationships.
Much research has been done in this regard and Silentrights (www.silentrights.co.za) has published an article that outlines the reasons why women remain in these abusive relationships. Abusive relationships are complex situations which take a lot of courage to leave. When a survivor leaves an abusive relationship, the perpetrator’s sense of power and control is threatened, and this may cause the abuser to retaliate. That is why leaving is one of the most dangerous things a survivor can do.
The misconception about abused women who stay is that ‘’it can’t be that bad’’. The reality is that there are many factors that don’t allow them to leave an abusive relationship.
- Financial dependence on the abuser.
- Lack of knowledge of her rights.
- Belief that the police can’t or won’t help her.
- Belief that she, as a woman, deserves the abuse.
- Belief that the abuser will change or that she can make it stop if she tries hard enough.
- The abuser may forbid her to see other people or threaten to harm people she cares for.
- Those she turns to for help may not believe her or blame her.
- Shame and embarrassment about the abuse.
- Belief that the children need their father.
Whatever the reason, leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult. Leaving an abuser can feel impossible if the victim does not have access to the right support.
Sadly, those who have been entrusted to protect all citizens and specifically, the most vulnerable in society, women and children, are often not capable and or willing to offer the protection and support they are paid to provide. The South African Police Services are
under-resourced, often incompetent or just plain not willing to do the jobs they have been hired and paid to do.
It has just been reported today, 13 October 2022, that a SAPS official has been arrested in connection with a gang rape incident that took place in July this year. “Durban – A former police officer has been arrested in connection with the Krugersdorp gang rape incident in July. Police said that some of the allegedly stolen items were found in her possession.
Brigadier Brenda Muridili confirmed that the suspect, a former warrant officer at Krugersdorp police station, was arrested on Wednesday. “It was discovered by the investigation officer that the women had in her possession property that belongs to one of the victims of rape.
“She is a former warrant officer, she was based in Krugersdorp police station,” Muridili told Independent Online News
References:
- https://www.silentrights.co.za/blog/
